Learning to Love
by Carol
Summary: After a serious accident, Brian most come to terms with his relationships with his family, friends, and Justin. Takes place where ep. 220 left off. *Part 11 added*
1. Part 1

Learning to Love (1/?)

By Carol M.

Summary: After a serious accident, Brian must come to terms with his relationships with his family, friends, and Justin

Rating: PG-13 for now

Spoilers: 220, maybe other second season episodes

Disclaimer: I don't own them, only love them

Note: This is my first QAF fan fiction. I've been watching QAF since the end of the first season and have managed to fall in love with everyone's favorite ass Brian Kinney. This is my response to the events of the season finale of the second season. The story will prolly be pretty long and I'll try to post new parts as quickly as I can. Hope you enjoy. Let me know how I'm doing!

Apparently Brian Kinney did have a heart. If he didn't, the sight of Justin leaving the Rage Party with Ethan wouldn't have caused the pain that started deep in his chest and worked it's way right down to the pit of his stomach. His plan to give Justin what he wanted had worked well, a little too well. He supposed that somewhere in the back of his mind he thought Justin would pick him in spite of everything, but he had been wrong. The knowledge hurt like hell, more than anything he had ever experienced before in his entire life. 

He could feel eyes on him from every direction. Michael, Debbie, hell even Justin was staring at him like he would fall apart at any moment. Well fuck that.

Brian took a deep breath and glanced around for someone, anybody that he could occupy his mind and body with, if only temporarily. He quickly spotted a decent looking green-eyed stud that would do just fine. He immediately made eye contact with his patent come fuck me stare and casually danced over towards the man as if everything were perfectly fine. It wasn't like someone had just shattered his heart into tiny jagged pieces, after all.

He wrapped his arms around the man and started grinding against him, making sure that the stud could feel every inch of his always hard ten-inch cock. The trick smiled and wrapped his arms around Brian, eagerly accepting the attention. Brian stole a quick glance over his shoulder, half expecting to see Justin staring at him with a look of hurt and betrayal. But all he saw was the ghost of his younger lover in the crowd of people bumping and grinding to the vocal styling of Bjork.

Brian panicked. This wasn't supposed to happen. Justin was always there either bugging the shit out of him or glaring at him in anger or giving him one of those smiles that made his heart beat faster every single time he saw it. He suddenly pushed the stud away from his body, the close contact only serving to remind him of Justin. "Get the fuck off me," he said firmly.

"Hey man, what's up?" said the trick in a pissed off tone. He grabbed Brian's arm and pulled him back against his body.

Brian shrugged out of the man's grip. "I said, get the fuck off me, asshole," he said with an intense stare that he could tell scared the hell out of his would be fling for the night.

The trick put his hands in the air in surrender. "Easy man."

Brian backed away, staring almost in a panic at the crowd surrounding him. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a vial of the best party mix his advertising salary would allow. He had been saving it for a special occasion and had just happened to tuck the powder in his hip pocket for tonight's party. It wasn't exactly the kind of special occasion he had in mind, but being dumped was a damn good reason to get high. 

He quickly sprinkled out a dash on his hand and snorted it up through his nose, the heart pounding high coming almost immediately. But he quickly realized it wasn't enough, the ache in his heart was still there, even more painful then it had been even minutes before. He shook out more of the white powder and took another snort.

"Jesus, Brian, ease up on that shit. You shouldn't be doing it out in the open like that," came a concerned voice from behind him.

Brian turned around and rolled his eyes at the sight of Michael's worried stare reflecting back him. "Relax Mikey, it's just a little party favor." He poured out another hit and promptly snorted.

"Yeah, some party," said Michael as he glanced towards the area where Justin had just left minutes before with Ethan. "Maybe I should take you home?"

Brian shrugged. "What for? The night's young and Cinderella doesn't have to be home 'til way past midnight." He prepared to pour out more powder when Michael promptly grabbed his hand, easily snatching the vial away.

"Funny, I don't remember Cinderella getting high in the Disney movie," said Michael, the concern for his friend leaking through the lightness of his tone.

Brian smirked. "I guess you missed the sequel then too, huh? Cinderella gets fucked up the ass by prince charming and turns lesbo. It's a film every would-be dyke should see," said Brian sarcastically as he unsuccessfully grabbed for the vial, which Michael was holding behind his back.

"That's funny, I thought Disney only liked to illustrate big dicks and tell kids that sex was fun," said Michael as he successfully dodged another attempt by Brian to get his drugs back. "So is this how you're going to deal with Justin? Just snort and fuck all your worries away, is that it?"

Brian brought his hand up to the back of Michael's neck and gently pulled him close. He covered Michael's lips with his own and started passionately kissing him, letting his tongue slide into his friend's mouth. Michael let out a moan and his grip loosened on the vial, allowing Brian to snatch it back from him. Brian abruptly ended the kiss and smiled. "Thanks Mikey," he whispered in his ear. He promptly poured out a huge dollop of the powder and snorted it quickly up his nose.

Michael shook his head in anger. "Jesus Brian, you're so afraid of what you feel for him that you're ready to just throw it all away on some twink fiddler who doesn't know how to play his instrument."

Brian raised his hand in objection. "Actually, he does know how to play his instrument," he said with a stoned smile.

Michael rolled his eyes. "Just admit that you love him."

Brian glanced away and dug his car keys out of his pocket. "I'm going."

"The fuck you are. You're not driving," said Michael as he reached for the car keys.

"Leave me alone," said Brian as he quickly shrugged past Michael towards the exit of Babylon.

Michael placed a hand on Brian's back to stop him. "Brian wait…"

Brian turned around with a look of seething anger on his face. "It's none of your goddamn fucking business, all right. Go find your boyfriend and enjoy the rest of the party." He dodged past a group of nearly naked queens as he eagerly approached the exit door.

"You're being an asshole," said Michael has he ran past Brian and blocked his path out the door. "Just let me drive you home."

Brian's jaw clenched. "I said go find Ben, Mikey. Don't worry about me." He stepped forward, trying to push past Michael, but his friend refused to budge. "Get out of my fucking way!"

"No," said Michael, his tone one of both concern and hurt.

"Fine, have it your way," said Brian. He raised his fist and punched Michael as hard as he could in the face. Michael fell to the ground clutching his jaw, a look of shock on his face.

Brian gasped in horror as he realized what he'd done. He eyed Michael intensely for a moment and then quickly staggered past a group of onlookers that were staring at him as if he were crazy. He waved off their curious glances and nearly fell out the doorway, his vision beginning to swim in and out. He started taking deep breaths, trying to calm the racing of his heart as he slowly made his way over to his Jeep. 

"Hey gorgeous, you okay?" asked a concerned looking drag queen dressed like Britney Spears.

"Fine," managed Brian as he finally stumbled onto his jeep. He lay his head against the front hood for a second, fighting the urge to vomit and then pass out. He swallowed the bile that was rising in his throat and lifted his head up; nearly blacking out from the dizzying wave of stars that invaded his vision. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, shaking the sensation from his body after several seconds of concentration. Then he quickly unlocked his jeep door and got in, eager to just drive the rest of his night away and maybe hit the baths somewhere along the way.

He started the jeep and pulled out of his parking space, nearly running over a blonde twink who looked like he could be Justin's brother. He groaned aloud and turned the corner, the urge to throw up coming back with a vengeance. He tried to shake off the feeling, but the nausea just kept coming, along with a piercing pain directly behind his eyes and the terrifying feeling of not being able to breathe. He moaned in both pain and panic, and then promptly passed out, his head slumping against the steering wheel. The jeep swerved out of control seconds later right into an oncoming pick-up trick, the sounds of metal on metal contact and breaking glass cutting through the night like a bolt of lightning.

TBC


	2. Part 2

Learning to Love (2/?)

By Carol M.

See first part for details.

Enjoy guys!

"Jesus Christ, Michael, what the hell was that?" asked Debbie as she approached her fallen son on the floor of Babylon. Uncle Vic and Ben were right behind her, extending their hands to help Michael off the floor.

Michael wiped off the trickle of blood that was leaking from his lips. "I have to stop him," he said as he raced towards the door.

Vic put a hand on Michael's shoulder to stop him. "Just let him be, Michael. Maybe he just needs to work through things himself."

Debbie snorted. "Brian work through things? That' s a fucking laugh if I ever heard one."

The crowd parted slightly, revealing Lindsay and Melanie. "Where's Brian?" asked Lindsay as she approached Michael.

"Probably busy killing himself," said Michael as he once again started for the door. "We've gotta find him. He's gonna do something crazy."

"Michael, just calm down, alright. He probably just needs to blow off some steam," said Ben as he embraced Michael tightly.

Michael shook his head. "No, no, he's high and he's hurting and I'm afraid he's…"

"Well who knew that Babylon was going to turn into Fight Club for the night," interrupted Emmett as he and Ted approached the crowd of friends. "Of course, you and Brian aren't exactly Brad Pitt or Jared Leto."

Vic laughed. "Brian would beg to differ."

Michael sighed in irritation. "Look, I think we need to go find him. I've got a bad feeling."

"Honey, Brian's a big boy. You've looked after him long enough," said Debbie. "Now just forget about him and enjoy your party."

Michael shook his head. "I can't. Not until I know he's okay."

"Maybe he just went back to his loft and went to bed?" offered Lindsay.

Melanie snorted. "Yeah that's fucking likely. When has Brian ever gone to bed alone?"

"If he did, it would be the first sign of the apocalypse," said Ted as he nonchalantly smiled at Emmett.

Emmett returned the smile and then put his hands on Michael's shoulders. "Sweetie, when the king of Liberty Ave. has his heart broken, it's best to stay out of the path of destruction until the storm clears."

"Don't any of you care about him?" asked Michael in anger.

"Of course we do, sweetheart, but sometimes you just have to let a person cool off before you can help them," said Debbie.

"Come on, Michael, they're playing our song," said Ben as he tried to drag Michael towards the dance floor.

Michael sighed and was about to let himself be led though the crowd when they all heard horrified shouts coming from the entrance of the club. Michael pulled away from Ben and instantly dashed outside, his heart beating wildly in his chest. "What happened?" he asked urgently to the crowd of clubgoers loitering outside.

"There was an accident. A jeep plowed right into some pickup out there," answered an older man dressed in nothing but leather chaps.

"Oh shit," said Michael as he ran towards the street. What he saw nearly made him collapse to the ground in terror. Brian's jeep was lying on its side in the middle of the street, crushed beyond recognition. Smashed against it was the back end of a gray pickup, the driver trying unsuccessfully to dislodge himself from a bent door. "Brian," he whispered as he ran towards the mangled jeep, desperate to help his best friend.

"Holy Christ," shouted Debbie as the others caught up to Michael and saw the destruction.

"Somebody get an ambulance!" shouted Ben urgently as he came up to Michael's side, intending to assist in whatever way he could.

"Brian!" shouted Michael urgently as he tried to push his way through the glass and metal to find his friend. He spotted the unconscious bleeding form of Brian almost instantly and couldn't stop the tears that started flowing down his face.

Ben immediately took Michael in his arms and turned him away from the horrible image. "Shhh, he'll be okay, he'll be okay. He'll get through it."

"Brian," said Lindsay softly when her and Melanie made it to the jeep. She put a hand up to her mouth. "Oh god."

"Where the hell is the goddamn ambulance?" shouted Debbie, on the verge of hysterical tears.

"They're on their way, Deb," said Ted as he and Emmett stared at the mangle jeep in horrified fascination.

"What's going on?" came a female voice from behind the crowd. Debbie turned around to see a terrified Jennifer staring at Brian's jeep. "Was he…was Justin…is he in there?" she managed.

Debbie shook her head. "No honey, Justin already left. He's safe."

Jennifer breathed a sigh of relief that was quickly replaced with worry. "Is there anything I can do?"

"You can find Sunshine and tell him what happened," said Debbie as the harsh sounds of sirens started ringing from the distance. "It's about fucking time!"

The ambulance pulled up, along with a fire truck. Firefighters and paramedics quickly poured out of the vehicles, telling everyone to move back. The paramedics approached the jeep and did a cursory exam of Brian, motioning towards the fire fighters for assistance.

"Is he…is he dead?" asked Michael tearfully.

"No. We've got a pulse, but we've got to get him out of here as soon as possible or we might lose him," said one of the paramedics. "I need you people to give us more room and let us do our job."

The crowd of friends stepped back and then watched as the paramedics tended to the driver of the pickup that Brian had hit. The man seemed to be shaken, but not seriously injured. Then they watched as Brian's jeep was torn apart by the Jaws of Life and Brian's bleeding, broken form was pulled from the wreckage.

"Brian, can you hear me?" asked Michael as he stared down at his best friend, who had just been put on a stretcher. The paramedics were sticking him with needles and tubes and other medical equipment that made Michael flinch. "Can I ride with him?" he asked one of the paramedics as he looked back at Ben for silent permission.

Ben nodded slightly and grabbed a hold of Debbie's hand to console her.

The paramedic looked up and also nodded. "Yeah, but just you. They rest of you people will have to meet us at the hospital."

Melanie nodded. "Me and Lindsay have our car. Somebody can ride with us."

"I've got mine too," said Ted as he pulled out his car keys.

"Well what the hell are we still standing around here for?" asked Debbie. "Let's get to the hospital. Melanie, Vic and I our riding with you guys."

"That's fine," said Melanie as she grabbed Lindsay's hand and started to rub it. "He'll be fine, Linds. Brian's the most stubborn prick in all of Pittsburgh."

"You're damn straight he's going to be okay," said Debbie. She glanced up at the ambulance and watched as Brian was lifted inside with Michael at his side. "You take care of him, Michael. We'll all be at the hospital as soon as we can."

Michael nodded tearfully as the ambulance doors shut and the vehicle tore away, it's blaring sirens causing everyone in the crowd to wince.

TBC


	3. Part 3

Learning to Love (3/?)

By Carol M.

See first part for details

Here's some more. Enjoy!

Six hours later, the crowd of friends were sitting in the same waiting room they had sat in over a year ago when they were waiting to hear the news of Justin after he'd been bashed. Michael was sitting in a chair between Ben and Debbie, who were both during their best to console him. Vic was absently looking through an old issue of Cosmo, while Emmett sucked down a tasteless cup of coffee and Ted tapped his foot impatiently on the floor. Lindsay and Melanie had Gus tucked between the two of them, the young child trying his best to get away from his mommies and walk around the waiting room.

They were all taken by surprise when the door suddenly burst open and Justin ran through it, looking like he had just run a marathon. "Where is he?" he said urgently to no one in particular.

" Oh Sunshine," said Debbie sympathetically. "The doctors are still looking him over. We haven't heard anything yet."

Michael stood up and pointed to the door. "You shouldn't be here. Leave."

"Michael," said Debbie.

"No ma, he has no right to be here. Not after what he did," said Michael.

"I still care about him Michael. No matter what happens, that'll never change," said Justin. He backed away and took a seat next to Lindsay and Melanie.

Debbie pulled on Michael's arm and motioned for him to sit back down. "Sit down, sweetheart."

Michael sighed and begrudgingly sat back down, his head coming to rest against Debbie's shoulder. "We should call Brian's mom."

"I already did," said Debbie.

"And?" asked Michael.

"She said to keep her informed," said Debbie grimly.

"So she's not coming?" asked Michael. "Christ, his own mother doesn't care enough to come down to the hospital and see if he's okay," he said angrily.

Debbie shrugged. "She said something about seeing enough of hospitals when Jack was sick."

Michael shook his head. "That's no excuse."

"Don't you worry sweetie, he's got us. Believe me, if he doesn't already know he's loved, then by the time this whole mess is done with, he will," said Debbie.

"If he makes it out of this mess," said Michael.

"Michael Charles Novotny. I will not let you be negative about this. Brian will be just fine I guarantee it. Don't you worry about a thing," assured Debbie.

Michael nodded. "Thanks mom."

They all looked up eagerly a second later when the doctor treating Brian entered the room. "I need to speak with the immediate family of Brian Kinney."

"We're all his immediate family, doctor," said Debbie. "How is he?"

"Well, Mr. Kinney is suffering from a severe concussion, multiple rib fractures, a dislocated shoulder, as well as a bad case of whiplash. He also sustained some deep cuts and bruises to the rest of his body. We have him in ICU right now to monitor him overnight. If he makes it through all right, then we should be moving him to a private room sometime tomorrow afternoon," said the doctor.

Justin stood up eagerly. "So he's going to be all right?"

"Barring any complications, then yes, eventually he should be all right. He's going to need quite a bit of recovery time however and might require some physical therapy," said the doctor.

"I'm sure he'll love that," said Emmett.

"Can we see him?" asked Lindsay.

"Family only," said the doctor. "

"Doctor, we're practically brothers," said Michael.

"And he's my…boy…ex-boyfriend," said Justin.

"I'm sorry, but only immediate family," said the doctor, eyeing Justin strangely.

"May I go?" asked Lindsay. "He's the father of our baby," she said as she motioned to Melanie.

"I don't know about that," said the doctor uneasily.

Debbie sighed. "Look, doctor…"

"Victor," said the doctor.

"Doctor Victor," said Debbie. "The truth is, Brian's immediate family isn't here. Now the people that are in this room right now may not be his blood, but they care just as much if not more about him than his real family. Give us a break. Let us go see him. Don't make him lie back there all alone wondering if anyone gives a shit about him."

Doctor Victor glanced around at the group of friends and then nodded his head. "Very well. But only three of you can go for five minute visits each. I'll warn you that he's still unconscious and looks pretty bad."

"I'm going," said Justin as he stood up from his chair and stepped towards the doctor.

"The fuck you are," said Michael.

"Mike, just let him go," said Ted.

"It's because of him that Brian almost died," said Michael.

"Michael, let Justin see him," said Debbie firmly. "Don't make me say it again."

Michael sat back and nodded wordlessly.

"All right, follow me young man," said Doctor Victor as he led Justin through a pair of doors. The doctor walked him passed a bustling nurses station and then led him into a large room separated into sections by large white separators. Justin could hear the beeps of various medical equipment and shuddered at the memory of his own time in the hospital.

"He's right in here," said Doctor Victor as he pulled away the curtain to reveal Brian's unconscious form. "Remember, five minutes."

Justin nodded and then slowly stepped forward, afraid to take a close look at Brian. When he finally did, he almost wished he hadn't. Brian's forehead was almost completely covered with a large bandage unsuccessfully hiding a bloody, painful looking bump. His left cheek had a harsh scrape along one side and his nose was bruised and still slightly bloody. His shoulder was secured against his chest in a sling while his neck was wrapped in a collar to aid in the whiplash. As his gaze drifted down Brian's shirtless body, he could make out the bruises from broken ribs under a sea of bandages, along with more cuts and scrapes.

All the breath left Justin's body and he had to grab a hold of the bed to keep from falling to the floor. "Jesus, Brian, you look like shit," he said, fighting off the urge to burst into tears. He stepped forward and gently took Brian's hand in his own. "I'm so sorry," he said as he pressed a delicate kiss to the soft unblemished skin of Brian's hand. Then he let go and backed away slowly, his eyes never leaving Brian's face. "Love you," he whispered as he turned around and ran out of the room. He dashed past the nurse's station and back out into the waiting room, meeting the looks of surprise from everyone in the room with trepidation. "Someone else can see him," he whispered in a shaky voice.

Debbie cleared her throat. "Justin…you okay?"

Justin collapsed in a chair, his hand over his face. "I'm fine." He stood up suddenly a few seconds later and would've fallen to the floor if Emmett hadn't have reached out to steady him. "I have to go."

"Sunshine…"

Justin gave her an awkward glance. "I have to go," he repeated. He looked at the rest of Brian's friends, feeling like he didn't belong with them anymore. "Bye," he said softly as he quickly paced out the door.

"Poor guy," said Lindsay.

"Well we wouldn't be here if boy wonder hadn't have run off with the wrong Prince Charming," said Michael. He stood up and glanced down at Debbie. "I'm gonna go see him." And with that, he disappeared through the double doors, leaving the rest of the friends to contemplate the night's events.

TBC


	4. Part 4

Learning to Love (4/?)

By Carol M.

See first part for details.

Sorry this took so long to get updated, but my modem got fried.  Damn all the lightning!  Enjoy! 

            As the late night turned to early morning, the group of friends slowly wandered out of the waiting room, eager to get at least a few hours of sleep before work.  Ted and Emmett said their goodbyes and promised to visit that evening.  Lindsay and Melanie left sometime after with Gus, Lindsay assuring that she would be back the next day to be with Brian.  After that, Vic and Ben both left to give Michael some much needed alone time with his mother and best friend.  That left Michael and Debbie sitting silently in the waiting room, both still stunned from their five minute visits with Brian.

            They sat through the night until the sunshine peaked through the cheap curtains of the typical hospital waiting room as morning dawned in Pittsburgh.  Another few hours passed and they were both sound asleep in their chairs, which is the way Dr. Victor found them when he entered the room to give them updated news on Brian's condition.  He cleared his throat loudly, which immediately startled Debbie awake.  "Doctor?" she said anxiously, wiping at her sleep-filled eyes and trying to look presentable.

            "We moved Mr. Kinney to a private room about an hour ago.  It looks like he's going to be fine," said Dr. Victor.

            "Oh doctor," said Debbie as she stood up and embraced the man.  "Thank you."

            "What's going on?" interrupted Michael in a sleepy voice.

            Debbie let go of the doctor and flashed her son a huge smile.  "Brian's going to be okay, sweetheart.  Isn't that wonderful news?"

            Michael smiled and nodded, a look of relief washing over his face.

            Dr. Victor checked his watch and glanced at Debbie and Michael.  "Visiting hours start in about an hour.  I recommend going home for a few hours of rest and coming back this afternoon.  He's still pretty out of it right now.  Mr. Kinney has a long road of recovery ahead of him."

            Debbie snorted.  "Oh don't you worry about Mr. Kinney.  He'll do just fine." 

            The doctor nodded.  "Well I have to get back to my other patients.  Let one of the nurses know if you need anything."

            "Thank you, doctor," said Debbie and Michael simultaneously.  As the doctor left the room, Debbie stepped to Michael and gave him a tight embrace.  "What did I tell ya, kid? Is Brian Kinney a stubborn bastard or what?  The little shit never ceases to amaze me."

            Michael laughed.  "Me neither," he said, wiping at his tired eyes as he and his mother parted from the hug.

            "Honey, why don't you go home and get some sleep.  I'll stay here with Brian," said Debbie.

            "Ma, I wanna be here with him.  He's going to need me," said Michael.

            Debbie took Michael's face between her hands.  "Of course he will.  But not before you get a few hours of sleep in a real bed."

            "Ma…"

            "Mother's orders.  Now get your ass home.  I don't want to see you back here until those lines are gone from underneath your eyes," said Debbie firmly.  "On your way back here, you can stop at Brian's loft and bring him anything he might need."

            Michael nodded.  "I'll call his mom and tell her he's going to be okay."

            Debbie sighed and shook her head in disgust.  "What kind of mother doesn't come to the hospital when her own son's been hurt?"

            "Brian's mother, that's who," said Michael.

            Debbie frowned and pointed towards the double doors leading into the patient care area.  "If that would have been you in there, I would have been with you all night.  Not even a blow torch would have been able to pry my hands away from your bedside."

            Michael nodded.  "I know. Me too."

            Debbie smiled with a few tears sparkling in her eyes.  "You're a good boy, Michael."

            "And you're a good mom… to all of us.  Brian's lucky to have you here," said Michael.

            "You too, sweetheart," said Debbie.  "Now get on home.  I'll keep Brian company until everyone comes back."

            "Mom can you tell him that…"

            "You love him and you're glad he's okay," finished Debbie.

            "Yeah," said Michael.

            "Be glad to, honey," said Debbie.

            "Thanks."  And with that, Michael slowly walked out of the waiting room, his shoulders hunched over in exhaustion.

**

            As Brian's eyes slowly fluttered open, he nearly started in painful surprise when he saw the concerned face of Debbie staring down at him.  He swallowed and furrowed his brow in confusion, trying to determine where he was, who he was and what exactly had happened.  "Please tell me we didn't fuck," he crackled out, the vibration of his voice feeling like glass cutting through his throat.

            Debbie smirked.  "You should be so lucky, kid," she said as she lowered herself to a sitting position on his bed.  "You were in an accident.  You've got some broken ribs, a dislocated shoulder, a touch of whiplash and a hell of a whack on the head, but the doctor says you're going to be fine."  She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Brian as gently as she could, not wanting to hurt him.

            "Deb," whispered Brian awkwardly.

            Debbie didn't seem to hear him and continued to smother him.

            "Deb," he whispered again.  When he realized the Deb had no intention of letting him go, he smiled slightly and carefully brought his good arm around to rest on her back.  They stayed in that position for several long seconds before Debbie slowly let go of Brian.

            "You stupid little bastard," she said as she brought her hand up and smacked him hard in the chin.

            "Ow," yelped Brian.  "What the fuck Deb?"

            "That's for nearly getting yourself killed.  You were lucky…damned lucky that you didn't die or hurt somebody else in that crash," said Debbie with a pointed finger.  "Doctor said you had enough drugs in you to kill most people."

            Brian smirked.  "Well I'm not most people, remember?"

            "That you're not.  You're the luckiest fag in all of Pittsburgh, that's who you are," answered Debbie.

            "What can I say?  It's great to be me," he said sarcastically as he brought a hand up to his face, feeling the coarseness of bandages and the swollen tight skin of bruises.  "How do I look?"

            Debbie snorted.  "You nearly die in a fucking car crash and all you care about is how you look?"

            A serious expression flashed over Brian's face.  "Am I still beautiful?" he asked in a soft voice.

            Debbie glanced at him and then quickly began sorting through her purse, pulling out a small compact mirror.  "See for yourself," she said as she handed him the mirror.

            Brian grabbed the mirror and held it up to his face, gasping at his reflection.  "Christ, I look like a bottom that got nailed by every beefy top on the Steelers."  He handed the mirror back to Debbie and sighed dramatically.  "I guess I'm no longer young and beautiful."

            "Hey," said Debbie in a pissed off tone.  "Looks aren't everything, Kinney.  I wouldn't care of you looked like Freddy Krueger.  I'm just grateful you're still alive and breathing."

            "Well unfortunately, your opinion isn't shared by the rest of the homosexual population of greater Pittsburgh," said Brian.

            "They're just cuts and bruises for Christ sakes.  They heal and so will you," said Debbie.

            "If you say so, Deb," said Brian.

            "I do," she said firmly.

            Brian shifted slightly and grimaced.  "So where's old Joan?" he asked in a pain-filled voice.  "She out in the hallway trying to land herself some rich, do gooding doctor?"

            Debbie avoided Brian's gaze for a moment, her eyes shifting to the tile of the floor.  "Honey, she's not here…but she sends her love," she said, finally looking Brian in the eyes.

            For a moment, a look of hurt flashed across his face, which just as quickly dissolved into a look of blankness.  "I guess dear old mom just couldn't handle the sight of her beloved queer son laid up in the hospital."

            Debbie grabbed a hold of Brian's hand.  "Sweetie…"

            Brian shook off the concern he could feel radiating off of her.  "It's okay, Deb, you've got enough mother in you to go around," said Brian.

            Debbie nodded. "That I do," she said proudly.  "I told Michael to pick up some things from your apartment.  Christ what a mess he was.  He was here all night until I forced him to home and get some sleep."

            "And now I want you to do the same thing," said Brian as he squeezed Debbie's hand tightly and then let it go.  "You look like shit."

            "You really know how to sweet talk a girl, don't you?" said Debbie sarcastically.

            "Hey, I deal in cock, not pussy," said Brian as his good arm came around to brace against his aching ribs.  "Oh and before you go, can you tell my doc to up my pain meds?  My ribs are fucking killing me."

            "What do you expect, honey?  Your body's like a chemistry experiment.  Two hospital strength Tylenol ain't gonna cut it," said Debbie.

            Brian gave her a fake smile and then settled back against his pillows, closing his eyes.

            "He was here you know," said Debbie.

            Brian opened one eye and looked up at her curiously.  "Who?"

            "Justin," said Debbie softly.

            Brian closed his eye and sighed.  "Justin who?"

            Debbie shook her head.  "Cute, very cute.  Considering that you're lying in this bed because of him."

            Brian's eyes shot open.  "I'm lying in this bed because my dealer gave me a fucked up mix of drugs, nothing more."

            Debbie swallowed a laugh.  "Just keep telling yourself that, kid." She stood up from the bed.  "Don't think you can sweet talk your way out of dealing with him.  This conversation isn't over, not by a long shot."

            "My dick's getting hard just thinking about it," mumbled Brian sarcastically.

            "I'll let you be in peace…for now.  Michael and the others will be by later tonight."  She leaned down and gave Brian a peck on the forehead.  "Feel better, sweetie," she as she ruffled his hair.

            Brian nodded slightly and let his eyes drift shut, trying to block out not only the aches coming from his entire body, but also the sharp pain coming straight from his heart.  "Fuck it," he whispered to himself as he slowly drifted off to sleep.

TBC


	5. Part 5

Learning to Love (5/?)

By Carol M.

Here's the next part.  Enjoy!     

            "What the hell is all that?" asked Ted hours later as he, Emmett and Michael walked down the brightly lit hallway of the hospital that led to Brian's room.  His gaze was focused on the three suitcases that Michael was struggling to lug down the hall.

            "Brian's stuff," answered Michael.

            "Ah, sweetie, this isn't exactly the Ritz.  I don't think he's going to be needing any suits or ah…dildos," said Emmett as he peaked into one of the bags to examine the contents.

            "With Brian you can never be too careful," said Michael defensively as they turned the corner into Brian's room.  The sight that greeted them made Michael drop all of the suitcases to the floor.

            Brian was getting blown under the covers of his hospital bed by a buff male nurse.  "Hey guys," he said calmly as he reached an arm down to move the head of his stud.  "A little to the left."

            Ted sighed and put his hands in his pockets.  "Well I see even a near death experience can't stop the wicked ways of Brian Kinney."

            "I'll say," said Emmett as he watched in fascination the head that was bobbing up and down over Brian's groin.

            Brian moaned out loud and leaned back against his pillow.  "I'll be with you boys in a minute."  His breath started coming hard and fast as the head over his cock started to move faster.

            "Oh Jesus," said Michael as he turned his head away.

            Ted and Emmett continued to stare in morbid curiosity as Brian shuddered and then let out a ragged groan of satisfaction.  The nurse slowly peeked his head out from under the blanket a few seconds later and smiled at Brian.  "Anything else I can get you?" he asked, wiping his mouth.  "A sponge bath perhaps?"

            "No, but you can come back around nine and continue with my treatments," said Brian in an exhausted tone, his breathing still not back to normal.

            The nurse winked and then quickly stepped out of the room, shading his face away from Ted, Emmett and Michael with his hand.

            "It's good to know you're receiving the best in medical cared," said Ted.

            "Oh please, that's nothing.  I've got two med students fighting over who gets to clean my bedpan," said Brian as he shifted in his bed, letting out a small moan of pain.

            "Even bruised and battered, Brian Kinney still gets his man," said Emmett as he approached the bed.  "And I never thought I'd say this, but I'm glad you're alive…and tricking."

            "I'm healthy as a horse," said Brian.  "And hung like one too."

            Michael rolled his eyes and sat down on the bed next to Brian.  He motioned towards the suitcases.  "I didn't know what to bring so…" he said, trailing off.

            "He brought everything," finished Ted.

            "He means _everything," said Emmett._

            "Thanks Mikey," said Brian with a smile.  "Can you get me my black leather jacket?"

            "What are you trying to pull off the Fonzie look over your hospital gown?" said Michael sarcastically.

            Brian made an irritated face.  "Just get me the fucking jacket."

            "All right, all right, I can see getting the shit knocked out of you didn't do anything to change your winning personality," said Michael as he began rooting through the suitcases.

            "Why mess with perfection?" said Brian.

            "Honey that's what I've been saying for years," said Emmett as he ran his hands down his body, smiling nonchalantly when he realized Ted was checking him out.

            "You didn't," said Brian as he observed the exchange between the two.

            "Didn't what?" asked Ted innocently.

            "You did," said Brian.  "You two fucked."

            "Excuse me, but are you accusing moi of fucking my dearest friend, Teddy," said Emmett.

            Michael stood up and gave Emmett and Ted an amused smile.  "Are you two like a couple now?"

            "Yeah, a couple of queens," said Brian.

            "My sex life is nobody's business but my own," said Ted.

            Brian snorted.  "What sex life?"

            Ted nodded.  "Very funny."  He paused for a moment and stared at Brian, a big smile spreading across his face.  "Boy am I glad to have you back," he said as he leaned forward and gave Brian a quick hug.

            "What the fuck are you doing?  People might see you," said Brian with concern.

            "Well in that case," said Emmett as he leaned down and gave Brian a kiss on the cheek.  "How often do I get the chance to engage in PDA's with Brian Kinney."

            "Hopefully never again," said Brian sarcastically.

            "One more," said Michael as he sat back down on Brian's bed and placed a tender kiss to Brian's lips.  When he was finished, he swung the leather jacket he had found over Brian's lap.  "Here."

            Brian began digging through the pockets until his fingers located the objects he was looking for.  He pulled out a thin joint and a gold metal lighter.  He wasted no time in lighting up and taking a hit of the potent grass.

            "Christ Brian, you can't smoke that in here," said Michael.

            "It's medicinal," said Brian as he let out a puff of smoke right in Michael's face.  "You want?" he asked, holding out the joint to Michael and the others.  The three friends declined.  "More for me," he said as he took another drag.  He noticed Michael's disapproving look and rolled his eyes.  "The pain killers they've got me on aren't doing shit."

            "So you've decided to go the natural route?" asked Michael.

            "Homegrown from the earth," said Brian as he took another hit.  He gazed up at the others curiously.  "So what's the word on my little accident?  Am I gonna be the newest butt hole boy at the state pen?"

            "Actually," said Michael as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper, showing it to Brian.

            Brian looked at the paper and realized a phone number was written across it.  "Mikey, you got lucky in the ambulance," he said in a proud tone.

            Michael rolled his eyes.  "It's not for me, asshole, it's for you.  This is the number of the guy you hit.  When he found out that he'd been in a car accident with the legendary Brian Kinney, he blew off the cops and told them it was all one big accident, nobody's fault."

            Brian raised an eyebrow.  "And what does this good Samaritan want in return for such a selfless act?"

            "Oh, wait." Michael pulled another piece of paper out of his pocket and cleared his throat before he began to read it out loud.  "In exchange for taking care of the cops, I want to be on the receiving end of some of that fabulous Brian Kinney loving."  Michael held the paper in the air so Brian could see it.  "That's a direct quote."

            "Well, I guess being suddenly single does have its advantages," quipped Emmett.  "You're free to fuck whoever you want, whenever you want."

            "Emmett," whispered Michael sharply.

            Brian smirked.  "And now boys and girls, we've come to the part of the program where the friends awkwardly try to avoid upsetting the ailing old fuck in the hospital bed."  He took a sharp hit of the pot and blew it out in little rings.

            "Brian," said Michael.

            "Save it," said Brian as he extinguished the joint in an empty bed pan.  He reached his hand up to his neck and began messing with the collar that was still firmly attached there to aid with the whiplash.  "And help me get this fucking thing off."

            "I don't think that's such a good idea," said Michael.

            Ted nodded in agreement.  "You might cause yourself permanent injury and then you're title as the biggest stud this side of the Mississippi will be threatened."

            "Thank you, Dr. Ruth," said Brian sarcastically as he started to pull the collar off his neck, despite the wave of pain that rocked his body.  He inhaled sharply at the sudden agony.

            Michael quickly set his hand over Brian's to stop him from further removing the collar.  "I think maybe you should wait for a doctor's okay."

            "Yeah," agreed Emmett.  "What if you…I don't know…loosen something?"

            "Or your dick falls off?" asked Ted.

            Brian gave Ted a strange glance.  "Don't worry about my dick Theodore Schmidt, it'll be just fine.  And besides that, it's my body, not theirs," he said as he continued to fuss with the collar.

            Michael promptly squeezed harder on Brian's weakened hand, effectively stopping the movement.  "Yeah and if you keep this up, your body's gonna shut down in a week.  Look, just lie back, relax and let the doctors take care of things, okay?"

            Brian sighed in annoyance.

            "Please?" said Michael, flashing a pair of worried puppy dog eyes in Brian's direction.

            "Fine, if it means that much to you," said Brian in irritation.

            "Wow, a selfless sacrifice," said Ted.  "Maybe that accident did do you some good."

            "Haha," said Brian dryly.  "Now get the fuck out of here so I can rest up for my next treatment."

            "Now that's the Brian we all know and love," said Ted as he stepped to the door.  "See ya later, Bri."

            "Feel better, honey," said Emmett as he followed Ted out the door.

            Michael leaned down and gave Brian a quick peck on the lips.  "I'll call you tonight and be back tomorrow morning."

            "Kay," whispered Brian.

            Michael smiled and headed towards the door.

            "Mikey," called Brian.

            Michael turned around curiously.  "Yeah."

            Brian looked up at the ceiling, his hands fidgeting with his covers.  "Sorry I hit you."

            Michael brought his hand up to his jaw.  "That's okay.  You're not exactly Hulk Hogan when you're drunk."

            Brian looked at Michael and chuckled.  "I hit better than you, asshole," he said in a teasing tone.

            Michael laughed.  "I don't know about that.  I once clobbered this guy who had to be at least six feet tall and weighed 220.  I was at this comic convention and he was trying to butt in line to get Linda Carter's autograph."

            "I guess you showed him who was boss, huh," said Brian.  "Did his friends try to beat you up afterwards?"

            "Actually, all of his friends were in wheelchairs.  The guy had to have been in his eighties," replied Michael.

            Brian snorted and waved his hand towards the door.  "Go home.  Have a mind blowing fuck fest with your professor."

            "Is that an order?" asked Michael.

            "Damn straight," said Brian as he shifted in his bed.

            Michael smiled and headed towards the door.  "All right, I'm going.  Oh, by the way, be on the look out for the tackiest bouquet of flowers you've ever seen."

            "From your mother, I presume?" said Brian.

            "Fuck you, asshole," said Michael in a half serious, half kidding tone.

            "Bye Mikey," said Brian smartly as he watched Michael walk out of the room.  When he was sure his friend was out of earshot, he sunk back into the pillows in misery, letting out a gasp and then a full-bodied moan of pain.  He sighed deeply in frustration, wincing at the pain the movement brought to his ribs.  A few tears trickled down from his eyes, which he quickly wiped away with his hand.  Then he grasped his covers and pulled them snugly over his body, letting himself fall into a sleep so deep that even his nine o'clock trick couldn't bring him out of it.

TBC


	6. Part 6

Learning to Love (6/?)

By Carol M.

See first part for details

*Note*  I'm not sure if Gus talks or not cuz I haven't seen every ep of the second season.  If he does, I apologize cuz he doesn't talk yet in this story.      Thanks for reading and enjoy!

As Lindsay strode into Brian's room with Gus tucked securely in her arms, she found Pittsburgh's biggest stud sitting up in bed with a tray of food set out in front of him.  He was holding a forkful of what looked like egg up in the air, his brow creased in disgust and confusion.  "What the fuck is this?" he whispered under his breath.

            "Scrambled eggs?" offered Lindsay.

            Brian glanced up at Lindsay and shook his head.  "If this is scrambled eggs, then I really don't want to know what the hell this thing is," he said, pointing to a rolled up piece of meat with green sauce smeared across it.  "Christ, I'm gonna need a hospital from the hospital with shit like this."  He flung the egg back on the tray and crinkled his face in repulsion.  

            "Lack of steak and fine wine getting to you already, huh?" asked Lindsay in amusement as she sat down on Brian's bed.

            "Well, the food sucks, but the service can't be beaten," said Brian as he eyed a handsome doctor passing by his door.

            Lindsay laughed and took Gus off her lap, setting him next to Brian.  "Say hello to your daddy, sweetie."

            Brian reached his arm out and took Gus's tiny hand in his own.  "How's my Sonny boy?  Mommy bring you here to warn against the dangers of driving under the influence?"

            "Actually, he was missing his daddy's touch," said Lindsay.

            "Was he now?" said Brian in a smart tone.

            Gus smiled and stepped to Brian, wrapping his arms around his daddy's chest.  Brian winced for a second and then brought his hand around to Gus's back, placing a soft peck on the top of his head.

            "Gus, you're hurting your daddy," said Lindsay.

            "It's okay, he's practically a waif anyway," said Brian as he lay back down against the pillows, bringing Gus with him.  "Obviously the food you serve at your house isn't much better than this shit," he said as he reached for a small container of orange juice.  He peeled open the top of the container with his teeth and then took a large gulp that he promptly spit out in the nearest bedpan.  "Fuck, that tasted like piss."

            "You outta know," said Lindsay.

            Brian gave her a fake smile and then looked down at Gus.  "Mommy's being a bitch today."

            Gus laughed.  "Grhmph."

            "Holy shit, is he talking?" asked Brian in amazement.

            "Not yet, but any day now," said Lindsay as she leaned down and mushed on Gus.  "Isn't that right honey?"

            "Well as long as his first words aren't straight or Republican, I'll be a happy homosexual," said Brian.

            Lindsay nodded and then lay back on the bed next to Brian, cuddling Gus in between their two bodies.  She brought her hand up to Brian's face and starting running her fingers through his hair.  "How are you doing?"

            Brian shrugged.  "I could use a couple dozen oxycotins, but other than that I'm just peachy."

            "Really?" said Lindsay.

            Brian shrugged. "Why wouldn't I be?"

            "Cause you miss Justin," said Lindsay matter of factly. "It's not too late to get him back you know."

            "He's not a fucking puppy dog, Lindsay.  Besides, he made his choice.  He's with what's his name now," said Brian, his eyes focused on the ceiling.

            "And where does that leave you?" said Lindsay, running a finger down Brian's cheek.  "No matter how much you try and hide it, I know you're heartbroken.  The life's just gone from your eyes."

            "That's the bad lighting.  Everyone looks like death warmed over in a hospital," said Brian.

            Lindsay was about to respond when an older women stepped into the room, carrying a big basket of roses and carnations.  "Excuse me, is there a Brian Kenny in this room?"

            "Kinney," corrected Lindsay as she got off the bed and took the basket from the woman.

            "Oh sorry," said the woman with a pleasant smile.

            "It's okay," said Lindsay as she sat back down on Brian's bed.

            "You have a beautiful family," said the woman shyly.

            "We like to think so," said Brian as he kissed Lindsay's cheek.  "Thanks for the flowers, ma'am."

            The woman waved and then left the room.

            "And I wonder who this extravagant bouquet of pity is from," said Brian as he reached for the card in the basket.  He began reading it, a troubled and hurt look spreading over his face.

            "Brian," said Lindsay when she noticed his change in demeanor.  "Brian, who are the flowers from?"

            Brian snapped out of the momentary stupor and let out a harsh cackle.  "Mommy dearest."

            "What's the card say?" asked Lindsay as she tried to grab it out of his hand.

            "Uh, uh, uh, allow me," said Brian.  He cleared his throat dramatically and began to read. "Dear Brian, I was so sorry to hear about your accident.  I was very worried, honey and I was relieved when I found out you were going to be okay.  I know we've had our differences the last couple of months, but that doesn't mean that I still don't care about you.  Get well soon, Brian.  Take care, Joan."

            Lindsay sighed in anger.  "She couldn't even sign it mom?  That bitch."

            "That's Joan Kinney for you ladies and gentleman," said Brian as he crinkled up the card and threw it in the trash.  "I haven't read that many lies since that article in 'The Times' about Tom Cruise being straight."  He picked up the basket of flowers and threw them in the trash as well.  "She can keep her fucking flowers.  I don't want any part of them… or her."

            Lindsay frowned and gave Brian's arm a pat of comfort.  "I'm sorry, Brian."

            "What for?" asked Brian.

            "For your mom not being here when you need her.  I know it must be hard," said Lindsay.

            Brian shrugged.  "It's all a bunch of bullshit anyway.  She didn't give a fuck about me when I was a kid, why should she start caring now?"

            "I'm sure she does…in her own way.  She just doesn't know how to show it," said Lindsay.

            "Fuck her.  She'd just drive me crazy anyway," said Brian as he gave Gus a kiss on the nose.  "Isn't that what mother's are supposed to do?  Christ Gus and you've got two mommies.  You'll be in the psych ward before you turn 13."

            Lindsay scoffed.  "He will not.  Don't listen to your daddy, Gus, he's being silly."

            "I'm being serious.  Look how screwed up Mikey is after having a mother hanging over him his entire life," said Brian.

            "Well…we're all fucked up in someway.  Some more than others," said Lindsay as she ran a finger down Brian's nose.

            The sound of a throat clearing caused them both to look in the doorway.  Leaning against the frame was a blonde-haired, blue-eyed orderly holding a bucket of water and a sponge.  "It's time for your sponge bath Mr. Kinney."

            "Oh is it now?" said Brian in a seductive voice, making eyes at Mr. Goodsponge.

            "That's our cue to leave," said Lindsay as she gave Brian a quick peck on the cheek and collected Gus from his lap.  "Anything I can bring back for you?"

            "Hmm, let see, how about a bottle of Jim Bean, some E, GHB, Special K, a cigar and some lemon squares?" said Brian.

            "Settle for just the lemon squares?" asked Lindsay.

            Brian rolled his eyes.  "I suppose I'll have to.  Bye Linds."

            "Say goodbye to daddy," said Lindsay as she held up Gus's hand.  Gus started to wave.

            "See ya Sonny boy," said Brian as he waved back.

            Lindsay stepped past the man at the door, giving him an amused smile and then turned the corner out the door.

            As soon as she was gone, the orderly stepped forward, dipping the sponge in the water and squeezing it out.  "I've heard you're very dirty."

            "Filthy," said Brian as he pulled down the sheets covering him and removed his hospital gown, revealing his naked body.  "I need a very thorough cleansing."

            "I'm sure I can take care of that," said the man, winking.  He sat down on the bed next to Brian and slowly brought the sponge down to Brian' s stomach, squeezing out some warm water onto the bruised up skin.  He slowly worked the sponge up and around Brian's body in concentric, mind blowing circles.  Brian's eyes closed and he fell into a half trance as the sponge and warm water was worked over his body.  "Oh god," he murmured as he felt the sponge rubbing across his cock.  "You'll want to get that really clean," he urged.

            "They say cleanliness is next to godliness," said the orderly as he began grating the sponge over Brian's cock.

            Brian groaned and arched up into the touch.  "Well than I guess I'm next in line to be worshipped all over the world," he whispered in ecstasy. "Ooooooh," he cried out as he felt the sponge rub his balls.      

The sponge started working harder and faster until Brian couldn't stand it anymore.  He half-opened his eyes and stared at the blurry head of blonde hair leaned over his crotch, rubbing away.  "Oh Fuck Justin!" he yelled as his body stiffened, cum shooting out of his cock.

He collapsed onto the bed, his body making its aches and pains known as he attempted to catch his breath.  The sponge was still working across his skin, soaking up all the wet spots that the hand job had left behind.  

            "Who's Justin?" asked the orderly as he finished cleaning up Brian.

            "Huh?" exhaled Brian, still coming down from the high.

            "When you came, you yelled Justin," said the man as he put the gown back on Brian and tucked him back under his sheets.

            "I don't know what the fuck you're talking about," said Brian as he stared up at the stud.

            The man shrugged.  "Whatever, man.  I'll be back tomorrow, same time."  He collected his bucket of water and sponge and stepped out the room.

            "Yeah, sure," said Brian unenthusiastically.  He reached under his pillow and pulled out half a joint, along with his lighter.  He quickly lit up and sucked in a deep puff, the movement not helping his sore chest.  He grimaced and then exhaled, the ringlets of smoke seeming to form pictures of Justin in midair.  

TBC


	7. Part 7

Learning to Love (7/?)

By Carol M.

See first part for details

It's Justin's turn.  Enjoy!

Justin's hand swept across the smoothness of the computer screen, the illustrating tool tucked firmly between his fingers.  He was working with a plethora of colors; vivid reds, hazy oranges, regal purples, sunny yellows, calming blues, rich greens.  He had been working on his project for nearly two hours and couldn't bring himself to stop until it was perfect.  Another stroke of green and one final hint of yellow, the masterpiece was complete.  And beautiful.

            He quickly opened the printer and put in a sheet of the finest paper stock he could afford.  A press of the print button and there it was, perfection.  Justin admired his work for a moment and then rolled it up and tucked it carefully in his backpack, not wanting to bend the work of art.

            He glanced around the loft that for nearly two years had been a place of solace, a place of wonder, a place of love and eventually, a place of heartbreak.  Now he felt like just a visitor.  He had packed away the last of his stuff from Brian's loft, not truly believing that this was it.  Maybe he would be back, as a friend or maybe even as a fuck, but he doubted this place would ever hold the same meaning for him again.

            As he took a final glance around the luxurious loft, his gaze focused on the bed, where this whole journey had started.  Tears formed in his eyes as he thought back to each and every instance he had been tangled amongst it's fine sheets and black duvet.  Good times.  No, great times.  He would treasure the memories always.

            With tears in his eyes, Justin slowly stepped out the apartment with his bags slung over his shoulders.  He took care to set the alarm and then pulled the door shut, jumping slightly at the harsh sound of metal hitting metal.  He took out his key and with shaking hands, locked the door for one last time.   Then he trudged over to the elevator with his shoulders slumped over, dreading what he had to do next.

**

            The hospital was bustling with people when Justin arrived 20 minutes later.  His heart beat wildly in his chest as he approached the nurse's station, not completely convinced that he could face Brian.  In fact, he was sure he couldn't.  This had been such a bad idea.

            "Can I help you?" asked a blonde-haired nurse with a forced smile.

            "Um…Brian Kinney…can you," Justin reached into his backpack and pulled out the rolled up drawing.  "Can you give this to him for me?"

            "Sweetie, why don't you give it to him yourself?  If you haven't noticed, we're a little crazy right now.  The last time I checked, Mr. Kinney was sleeping, so you can just pop your head in there and wake him up.  Room 235," said the nurse as she got up to assist a small child with a broken arm.

            "Thanks," said Justin almost in anger.  He took a deep breath and blew it out harshly, stepping away from the desk and glancing down the hall.  Slowly he started to walk, feeling as if he were about to face the firing squad instead of visiting the man that he loved.  Would always love.

            It took Justin nearly five minutes to reach Brian's room, more out of his own stalling tactics then from the actual distance of the room from the nurse's station.  Once he was finally at the doorway, he allowed himself another moment to calm his nerves and then once he was ready, abruptly burst into the room, wanting to get the visit over with as soon as possible.

            He found Brian curled slightly on his side, his arm still attached against his chest with a sling.  He saw that the neck brace had been removed and from the soft mutters of moans and groans, he could tell Brian was suffering because of it.  He stepped to the edge of the bed and looked down at the older man, realizing right away that Brian was in the midst of a nightmare.  His face was clenched tight in fear and he was shaking like a leaf.  He could hear Brian uttering "No," and "Please god," in tiny whispers of panic.

            The sight broke Justin's heart.  He had only witnessed Brian having a nightmare once before, and that had been right after Justin had moved in with him after the bashing.  He had been awoken in Brian's bed by the sound of soft, consistent sobbing.  When he had flipped over to look at Brian, he had realized that his lover was still asleep and suffering all of his hurts in a dream world.  Instead of waking him up and probably getting the shit kicked out of himself, Justin had simply run his hands along Brian's face, trying to erase some of the hurt.  The effect had been almost immediate and Brian had gradually relaxed into a peaceful sleep.  He had had no memory of the nightmare the next morning and Justin had never mentioned it.

            Now almost a year later, Justin did the same thing, tenderly sweeping his hand across Brian's face.  He worked from forehead to jaw line, feeling the sweat of Brian's hair at the top of his head, and the roughness of stubble at the bottom.  His hand finished the journey at the top of Brian's nose, stroking away the lines of panic in Brian's tightly furrowed brow.  

Again, the effects were almost immediate.  Brian's face noticeably relaxed, and he let out a contented sigh.  Justin smiled slightly and ran his hand through Brian's hair, trying to memorize every strand.  He leaned down and placed a soft kiss to Brian's lips, his own lips quivering in sadness and loss.  Then he opened up his backpack and unrolled the drawing.  He set it down right next to Brian's face.  Then came the hardest part of all.  He reached into his pocket and pulled out his key to Brian's loft.  He stared at it longingly for several long seconds, wishing that it hadn't come to this.  Then with a deep breath, he set the key underneath the painting, his hand trembling.

"Bye," whispered Justin.  He took one last glimpse of Brian and then backed out of the room, his face crumbling into tears before he even got through the door.

TBC


	8. Part 8

            Learning to Love (8/?)

            By Carol M.

            See first part for details.  On with the story…

            Brian awoke gradually, his brain still caught in that hazy place between sleep and wakefulness.  A faint memory of a nightmare trickle through his mind, images of a scared little boy getting slapped around by his father.  Then just as quickly, the pictures faded, leaving nothing but a vague idea that would be forgotten as soon as he was completely awake.  An odd sort of calm swept over him and he was okay, no bad memories, no more bad dreams.  

            As he slowly opened his eyes, all traces of the nightmare were gone, and Brian was left staring curiously at the rolled up piece of paper staring him in the face.  He instantly knew it was from Justin without even looking at it.  He delicately stretched out his hand and picked up the paper, carefully unrolling it.  What he saw nearly made him lose all his breath.  It was an illustration of the most beautiful basket of flowers he had ever seen.  Roses, tulips, sunflowers, daffodils, carnations, orchids…practically every colorful flower in the world.  

            A small smile spread across Brian's face.  He brought the drawing up to his nose, trying to detect Justin's scent.  And he could.   The sweet, musky smell of his young lover threw his mind into a tailspin.  It had all been one big mistake.  They were back together.  Justin was probably waiting outside, ready to fuck him at a moment's notice.

Then his eye caught on the small key that had been set under the drawing. His stomach dropped out of his body and he let out an audible gasp when he realized the implications.  Justin's key.  The key to their home.  He scooped the key up into his hand and let the drawing fall to the floor, his heart and mind no longer able to look at the work of art.  He swallowed hard, willing the bile that was rising up in his throat to stay down as his head started to thud painfully.  This was it, it was really over.

He grasped the key firmly in his hand and then threw it as hard as he could across the room.  The key smashed against the wall, chipping some of the paint, and landed with a jingle on the tile floor.  The sound ignited a firestorm in Brian's mind and suddenly, he felt incredibly claustrophobic.  He had to get the hell out of his room before the walls caved in on him.

With a wide grimace, he clutched his immobile arm firmly against his chest and sat up, doing his best to ignore the waves of pain that rocked through his frame.  He gritted his teeth and scooted off the bed, his feet coming to rest against the cold floor for the first time in days.  He took a deep breath and stood up, nearly falling over as a wave of dizziness sailed through his head.  He groaned out loud and then took a shaky step forward, nearly falling over his own feet.  It was at that moment that Michael stepped in the room.

"Jesus Christ, what the hell are you doing, Brian?" he asked as he stepped forward and placed supportive hands on both of Brian's arms.

"What the fuck does it look like?" retorted Brian as he unsuccessfully tried to push Michael off of him.  He stepped forward again and struggled to control the nausea that suddenly assaulted his senses.  "Oh," he moaned.

"Nurse!" cried out Michael as he attempted to get Brian back into bed.  "I need some help in here."

"No you don't, I'm getting the hell out of here," said Brian firmly, his body shaking from pain and exertion.  He stepped over to his suitcases and started rooting through his clothes, in desperate need of some pot or E or whatever else he could find.

"Brian stop!" yelled Michael, trying to slap the clothes out of his hand.

"Leave me alone," Brian yelled..  "Fuck, I know I had some E in here in somewhere," he said as he ripped through a pair of jeans.  "God damn hospital staff prolly swiped em, you can't trust any of these assholes. They're all a bunch of tweaked out junkies anyway."

"You need to get back in bed," said Michael in a worried tone.

"What I need is for everyone to stop telling me what to do," said Brian, his arm wrapping around his rib cage.  "Shit," he groaned out, the excessive movements wreaking havoc on his tender midsection.

A blonde-haired overweight nurse stepped into the room just then, giving Brian a disapproving glance.  She instantly stepped forward and assisted Michael in wrangling Brian back into bed.  "You need to stay in bed, Mr. Kinney," she said firmly.

"What are you, my fucking mother?" said Brian in a nasty tone once he was settled back in bed.

The nurse put her hands on hips and gave him a smug smile.  "Honey, I've dealt with people a lot bigger and a lot scarier than you.  Don't think you can get under my skin that easily."

Brian rolled his eyes.  "If you're trying to sweet talk me, then you're not doing a very good job, Doris," he said pointedly as he glanced at her name tag.

"Cute, very cute," said Dolores.  She smiled coldly and then stepped out of the room.

"That woman is in desperate need of some fucking," said Brian as he shifted his position.  "Mikey, I can't be held responsible for what I'll do to these people if I have to stay here another day.  I'm going to kill them all."

"Yeah, if they don't kill you first," said Michael, perching on the edge of Brian's bed.  "Christ, you're falling apart."

"Just get me the hell out of here," said Brian with pleading eyes.  "Please Michael."

Michael gave him a small smile.  "Let me see what I can do," he said as he got up and walked out of the room.

Ten minutes later, the two friends were on the roof of the hospital with Brian sitting in a wheelchair smoking a cigarette and Michael standing next to the edge of the building, looking down at the street below.

"So this is your idea of getting me out of here?" said Brian sarcastically.

"Hey asshole, I got you out of your room, didn't I?" said Michael defensively.

Brian snorted and took a long drag of his cigarette.  "I just couldn't be in there anymore, you know.  I felt caged up like an animal or something."

"Well don't worry, the doctor says he's gonna release you in a few days," said Michael.  "Maybe next time you'll think twice about driving when you're stoned out of your mind."

"What are you, the fucking poster child for faggots against drunk driving?" quipped Brian.

"No, I just don't want to have to endure your wonderful temperament in a hospital again anytime soon," said Michael in a kidding tone.

"Yeah well don't worry, next time I'll make sure I'm dead so I can avoid the fucking hallowed halls of this god awful place," said Brian.

"Don't say that," said Michael.  "You came close enough as it was."

"Not close enough," said Brian, puffing on his cigarette.  He took a deep breath and glanced upward at the sky.

"Maybe you need to talk to somebody," said Michael.

"Fuck doctors," said Brian.  "I've had enough of them shoving shit up my ass the last few days to last a lifetime."

"I thought you liked having shit shoved up your ass?" said Michael with a knowing smile.

"Not by 60 year old heteros named Walter," said Brian.  "Though I must say the male nursing staff has been particularly attentive to my needs."

"I'll bet," said Michael, shuffling his feet awkwardly.  "Look, there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about."

"What?" asked Brian curiously.

 "I guess I sort of feel like this is all my fault.  Your accident and you and Justin's break up and everything else," said Michael, trailing off.

"Why would you think that?" asked Brian.

Michael shrugged.  "I don't know.  If I hadn't have told you about Ethan, maybe things would've been different.  When you first got hurt, I blamed Justin.  But the more time I had to think about it, I…"

"It's not your fault," interrupted Brian.  "You were just doing what you thought was right."

"Yeah, but still…I feel bad," said Michael.  "I should have just stayed the fuck out of it and minded my own god damn business."

"Forget it, Michael, it's over and done with," said Brian as he took a final drag of his cigarette and threw it over the edge.  Both men watched the small butt disappear into the air below.  "You think Nurse Ratchet will chop my balls off if I have another cigarette?" asked Brian as he pulled another smoke out of his pack and lit it with his gold lighter.

"You better make it a fast one," said Michael.  "She'll probably chop _my dick off if you're out here much longer."_

Brian laughed and puffed on his cigarette, while Michael took his turn at staring up at the sky.  Several minutes went by without the friends saying a word.  Then Brian spoke up, breaking the silence.  "I just want him to be happy," he said softly.

"What?" asked Michael.

"Justin," clarified Brian.  "I want the little fuck to be happy. I don't think he ever really was with me."

"He was," said Michael.  "Both of you were."

"What are you fucking Oprah now?" said Brian.

"It's okay to miss him, you know.  You don't have to put on a brave face.  No one's watching," said Michael.

"I'm watching," said Brian.  "I don't do…"

"Heartbreak," finished Michael.  "Yeah, I know."

Brian nodded and took another drag of his cigarette.  He blew the smoke out in one long curly string that slowly drifted away into the air.  Then once again, he flicked the cigarette over the edge, watching it fall to the earth.  "Long way down, kids," he said under his breath.  He glanced up at Michael and then abruptly tugged on his arm, pulling his friend down into an embrace.  

Michael rested his jaw on top of Brian's head and tenderly stroked his back while Brian nuzzled his head against Michael's shoulder.  They stayed in that position for several long seconds, ending the hug with a tender kiss.  "We should get back," said Michael as he straightened up and took the helm at the back of Brian's wheelchair, pushing him towards the rooftop elevator.

"One more day, Mikey, that's it.  After that, I'm checking out AMA, I don't care what that Nazi cunt Doris has to say about it," said Brian.

"Okay well, don't kill me, but…" Michael trailed off nervously.

"What?" said Brian sharply.

"My mom wants you to come and stay with her so she can take care of you.  She insisted," said Michael.

"Michael…" Brian whined in irritation.

"Hey, you know how she gets.  There's no arguing with her," said Michael.

"How long?" asked Brian.

"A couple of days, tops.  You can stay in my old room," said Michael.

"Fine," said Brian.

Michael looked confused.  "What, you're gonna do it?"

"Yeah," said Brian quickly.  "You got a problem with that?"

"No…I just thought you'd say no, that's all," said Michael, shrugging. "I have to warn, she's probably gonna tell you how think you've gotten and stuff you full of food."

"Sounds perfect.  I could use a good meal after the scat they serve here," said Brian with a fake smile as Michael wheeled him into the elevator.  The truth was Brian would do anything to avoid going home to his empty loft, even if that meant putting up with the overbearing antics of Debbie Novotny herself.  He just wasn't ready to deal with the fact that Justin was out of his life for good. 

TBC


	9. Part 9

            Learning to Love (9/?)

            By  Carol M.

            The saga continues…

Once they had gotten him back up to his room and Michael had said his goodbyes, Brian spent the next couple of hours pouring over ideas for a new ad campaign for some upscale luggage.  Cynthia had brought him the preliminaries for the campaign the day before and he had had no interest in going over them.  But now, he desperately needed something to take his mind off of Justin, or more accurately, the loss of Justin.  The problem was the ideas weren't coming to him like they normally did.  Any other day, he would be able to look at one of the fine leather backpacks and come up with a Cleo worthy pitch in fifteen minutes.  But now he was drawing a complete blank and that feeling scared him more than anything.

            Brian threw the papers off the bed and sighed, staring up at the ceiling.  He shut his eyes for a moment to regroup, and he realized what he needed to get his concentration back.  He opened his eyes and quickly reached for the nurses call button, pressing it until a young red-haired female intern stepped into the room.  "Yes, Mr. Kinney?" she asked in a pleasant tone, giving him a flirtatious eye.

            "Cindy," he said, looking at her nametag.  "Yeah could you get me Dr. Drummond.  Tell him I'm having difficulties with my cock," he said in a serious tone.

            Cindy blushed and let her eyes drift towards Brian's crotch.  "What sort of difficulties, sir?  Is there anything I can help you with?"  she asked as she stepped towards the bed.

            Brian gave her a wide smile.  "It's far too complicated for a young innocent girl like you to understand.  Best left up to a doctor…a male doctor," he emphasized.

            "Oh, I see," said Cindy in disappointment.  "I'll get him right away, Mr. Kinney."

            "Brian," he corrected her, flashing a toothy grin.  "I would appreciate that," he said as he lay back against his pillows.

            Cindy blushed slightly.  "Brian.  I'm on it," she said as she walked out the door.

            Less than ten seconds later, Dr. Drummond walked into the room and shut the door behind him.  "I hear you're having some problems?" asked the young hazel-eyed doctor as he dropped to his knees beside the bed.

            "Terrible, terrible problems," said Brian.

            "Well let me see what I can do about that," said Dr. Drummond as he pushed aside the sheets and hospital gown and put his mouth to work on Brian's cock.

            "I'm feeling better already," murmured Brian as his hand traveled down to the back of the doctor's head.  He arched up in pleasure as the stud hit a particularly sensitive area.  "You give a very thorough examination."

            The doctor glanced up at Brian and stopped his actions for a moment.  "I aim to please.  A patient's happiness is my number one concern," he said with a wide smile before swallowing Brian's cock again.

            "This patient is very happy," moaned Brian.

            "Oh dear god!"

            Brian glanced up at the door and saw a very shocked Jennifer Taylor bracing a hand against her chest.  "Why Mrs. Taylor, what brings you to this lovely medical arts establishment?" he asked nonchalantly.

            Dr. Drummond was off Brian's cock and on his feet within two seconds.  "Well Mr. Kinney, it would seem that everything is in perfect working order.  No cause for concern," he said, covering Brian back up.   He cleared his throat and backed away towards the door.  "If you'll excuse me, I have to make my rounds."  He shaded his face away from Jennifer and quickly stepped out of the room

            "Thanks for putting my mind at ease, doc," yelled Brian after him.  He glanced up at Jennifer with an arched eyebrow.  "If you came looking for Justin, he's not here."

            Jennifer nodded and stepped towards the bed.  "I know."

            "Okay, I give up then, what are you doing here?" asked Brian curiously.

            "I was concerned about you Brian," said Jennifer.

            Brian snorted.  "I find that hard to believe.  I would think you'd be celebrating at my near demise.  After all, I'm the pedophile queer who took away you're innocent little boy."

            "Maybe," said Jennifer.  "Or maybe I just came to say I'm glad you're alright and bring you some cookies," she said as she revealed a Tupper ware container filled to the brim with a variety of baked treats.

            Brian sighed in confusion.  "Look, Mrs. Taylor,"

            "Jennifer," she interrupted.

            "Jennifer," said Brian.  "I appreciate the concern, but it's not necessary.  You don't owe me anything.  Justin and I are out of each other's lives."

            "Don't tell me you're giving up on him that easily," said Jennifer as she set the container on the nightstand next to Brian.  "If you were, you wouldn't have tried so hard to help Justin after he got hurt or help him pay for art school.  It can't be that easy to let all of that go."

            Brian rolled his eyes and looked at the ceiling.  "That's all in the past.  Justin has a new boyfriend, one who I'm sure is much more parental friendly."

            Jennifer nodded.  "He is.  From what I can tell he's near perfect.  Smart, talented, friendly, romantic."

            "There, see, everybody wins," said Brian.

            "There's just one problem," said Jennifer.

            "And what would that be?" said Brian sarcastically.

            "He's not you," said Jennifer.

            Brian laughed.  "And why would I give a shit about that?"

            "It's the truth," said Jennifer.  "All I want is for my son to be happy, and I think he was with you, at least for a little while until you both blew it."

            "Yeah well, it's too late to go back," said Brian.  "Justin needs to move on with his life and so do I."

            "Except Ethan doesn't put the twinkle in Justin's eye like you did," said Jennifer.  "As hard as it was in the beginning, I couldn't deny the way he would light up when he would talk about you.  It was more than just a crush for him.  I wanted to hate you for it. When I first met you, I thought you were this slick…asshole that was just using my son for an easy …fuck."

            "Whatever gave you that impression?" said Brian in a sweet tone.

            Jennifer continued unfettered.  "But then I realized if that were true, than I was greatly underestimating my son.  Justin wouldn't pick just anyone to fall in love with.  He wouldn't have wasted his time with you if there wasn't some special person on the inside worthy of his love."

            Brian clenched his jaw and ran his hand over his eyes.  "Why the fuck are you telling me all this?" he asked.

            "I wanted to say thank you," said Jennifer.  "Thank you for giving my son someone special to love.  And thank you for loving him back."

            Brian's hand quickly came away from his face and he looked up at her in a panic.

            Jennifer smiled knowingly.  "A man like you doesn't put with Justin's antics unless he really cares about him.  Believe me, I'm his mother, I know how he can get sometimes."

            "He's a real handful," said Brian.

            "I know," said Jennifer.  "But then again, so are you."

            Brian gave her a crooked smile. "It's true. I do have a rather infamous rep."

            "A reputation that Justin saw right through.  I believe with all my heart that you must be a truly remarkable man for Justin to have fallen in love with you as deeply as he did," said Jennifer.

            "Maybe Justin just saw what he wanted to see," said Brian quickly.

            "You know that's not true," said Jennifer.  "He may be naïve in a lot of ways, but he's no fool."

            "Yeah…whatever," said Brian uneasily as he shifted around in his bed.  "Look, Jennifer, I think you should go.  I need to get my beauty rest."

            "Okay," said Jennifer in a disappointed tone.  "Take care of yourself and enjoy the cookies.  I'm sorry I… interrupted before."

            "It's okay.  There's plenty more where he came from," said Brian.

            "I'm sure there is," said Jennifer.  She stared at him for a few moments, an unsure look on her face.  Then she quickly leaned forward to kiss him.

            Brian shut his eyes almost in pain as her lips pressed against his cheek.

            "Bye Brian," she said with a sad smile.

            "Toodles," said Brian softly as he watched Jennifer walk out the door.

TBC


	10. Part 10

            Learning to Love (10/?)

            By Carol M.

            Thanks guys for the kind words!  Enjoy the next part!

"You ready to get sprung, kiddo?" asked Debbie as she stepped into Brian's room with his release papers in her hand.

            Brian, who had been reading _Out, quickly shut the magazine and gave her a wide smile.  "Deb, my guardian angel.  You've come to rescue me."_

            "Rehabilitate is more like it," said Debbie as she approached the bed.  "Come on, get up, get dressed.  Vic's double parked downstairs."

            Brian quickly pulled back his covers and whipped off his hospital gown, revealing his naked form.

            Debbie glanced over at him and then did a double take at what she saw, her eyes widening in surprise.  "Jesus, it really is as big as they say."

            Brian smirked.  "I know," he said smugly.

            Debbie shook her head of the stupor and began throwing clothes in Brian's direction.  Brian attempted to put a pair of black briefs on, but the movement was too much for his injured ribs.  Without a word, Debbie took over the action, pulling the underwear up Brian's legs and over his crotch.

            "The last time a woman was this close to my cock, I was in diapers," said Brian.

            "Kinky," said Debbie as she repeated the action with a pair of jeans.

            In the meantime, Brian was attempting to pull on a shirt despite the sling still wrapped around his shoulder.  "Fuck," he muttered in frustration.  After two more failed attempts, he threw the shirt on the floor.  "That's it, I'm showing everyone my tits," he said matter of factly.

            "Don't get your balls in a twist," said Debbie.  She began sorting through his things and pulled out his black silk robe.  "Here," she said as she worked his uninjured arm through the sleeve hole and then let the robe drape over the other arm.  She completed the task by securing the ties in the front.  "Perfect."

            "Yeah, all I need now is a cigar," said Brian sarcastically.

            Debbie whacked him on the side of the head.  "Watch your mouth."

            Brian gave her a lopsided grin.  "That may work on Michael, but it won't work on me."

            "Oh really?" said Debbie, planting her hands firmly against her hips.  "Let's get a few things straight.  For the next couple of days, you're living in my house, under my authority."

            "Sounds a little like prison.  Tell me, Deb, do I have any strip searches to look forward to?" asked Brian in a smart assed tone.

            "Depends on what you plan on hiding," said Debbie.  "There will be no drugs, no tricks and no going to Woody's or Babylon.  You are on strict house arrest," she said with a pointed finger.

            "Christ, it really is a prison," said Brian.

            "Maybe," said Debbie.  "But the food's much better and you don't have to worry about dropping the soap.  Course in your case, you probably wouldn't mind that too much," she said with an amused snort.

            "When do I get parole?" whined Brian.

            "You get parole when you can put your pants on by yourself without curling up in agony.  Not a second before," said Debbie firmly.

            "Sounds lovely," said Brian.

            "Mr. Kinney?" came a voice from the door.

            Brian and Debbie both turned their heads and saw one of the male nurses standing in the doorway with a wheelchair.  "You ready to go?" asked the man.

            "I don't know, ask the warden here," said Brian, nodding towards Debbie.

            "If he were any more ready, he'd have sprouted wings," said Debbie as she gently grasped both of Brian's arms.  "Can you stand up?"

            "Well I've been doing it since I was two," said Brian as he got unsteadily up on his feet.

            "That's not the only thing you've been doing since then," said Debbie as she supported him so he could situate himself in the wheelchair.  Once he was settled, she nodded towards his suitcases.  "What are we gonna do about all that?"

            "How the fuck should I know? Mikey packed enough for me to go on world tour," said Brian.

            "I'll take care of it," said the nurse.

            "Oh, thank you," said Debbie.  "You ready to go Brian?"

            "Wheel away," said Brian eagerly.

            Debbie positioned herself behind Brian's wheelchair and then gave him a firm push out the door.   As they got into the corridor, they saw that the halls were lined with male orderlies, nurses and a few doctors, watching in fascination as Brian was wheeled down the hall.  As they passed by the men, each of the studs threw scraps of paper with their phone numbers scrawled across them onto Brian's lap.

            "Call me anytime," said one orderly who could double for Zack O'Toole.

            "If you ever need a good sponge bath," said Mr. Goodsponge as he tossed his number at Brian.

            "Holy shit," exclaimed Debbie in amazement as she continued wheeling Brian down the hall.  "It's like you're fucking Jesus or something.  They're practically falling at your feet."

"Try not to get any on your shoes," said Brian casually, soaking up the attention.  When they reached the end of the hall, they were greeted by Dr. Drummond.

"Good luck, Mr. Kinney."

            "Thanks doc," said Brian.

            Dr. Drummond pulled his card out of his jacket and laid it on top of the heaping pile of numbers already on Brian's lap.  "If you have any more difficulties, don't hesitate to call, day or night," said the doctor with a sly smile.

            Brian grinned.  "Oh don't worry doctor, if I have any problems in that area, I'll be sure to seek out your expertise."

            "Excellent," said Dr. Drummond.  "Goodbye.  Come back and see us anytime."

            "I'll do that," said Brian as Debbie wheeled him into the elevator.  

            As the doors closed, the pair observed the male staff waving, clapping, and blowing kisses at Brian.  

            Debbie stared at Brian in awe the whole elevator ride down.

            "What?" asked Brian innocently.

            Debbie laughed and shook her head.  "You're something else, kid."

            "So I've been told," said Brian.  The elevator doors opened and Debbie pushed the chair out of the elevator.  Another hallway and one left turn later, the pair was outside at the waiting car.  

            "Looking good," called out Vic to Brian from the driver's seat.  "What's your secret?"

            "Lots of sex and a positive outlook on life.  Makes the skin glow and your dick permanently hard," said Brian.

            "He got enough phone numbers in there to start his own directory," said Debbie as she took Brian's arm and helped him into the front seat.

            "Want a date, Vic?" asked Brian as he threw a few pieces of paper at him.

            "I can remember a time when the same kind of thing happened to me.  Oh to be the fairest queer of all again," said Vic longingly.

            "The position's open, at least for a few days.  Brian's on house arrest," said Debbie as she settled into the back seat.

            "Well in that case I'll have to dust off my gold platforms and give it a whirl," said Vic with a wide smile.

            Brian looked at him in disgust.  "Gold?"

            "It was the hippest thing around back then," said Vic.

            Brian shook his head.  "I thank god everyday that I didn't have to live the prime of my youth in the 70's.  Don't even get me started on the 80's."

            "Hey I seem to remember a time when you and Michael both had spiked hair and torn jeans," said Debbie.

            "You can't blame teenagers for their lack of fashion taste.  Society markets every Swatch watch and pair of bell bottoms to a demographic that isn't sophisticated enough to realize that all these trends are just tacky pieces of shit designed to take away their money," said Brian matter of factly.

            "Spoken like a true ad exec," said Debbie.

            "Well if the Prada fits," said Brian as he saw the nurse heading towards the car with his things.  "About fucking time."

            Vic popped the trunk and the man placed all the bags inside, shutting it firmly when he was done.  He stepped along the side of the car and then kneeled down when he reached the passenger's side window, flashing his blue eyes at Brian.  "If you ever need anyone to play doctor with, call me," said the stud as he tossed his number into Brian's lap.  He completed the action by sticking his hand through the window and massaging Brian's cock though his pants.

            "I'll be sure not to eat any apples then.  Wouldn't want to keep you away," said Brian with a sexy smile.

            The stud winked and then stepped away from the car.

            "Can we go or do you have any more staff you'd like to get lucky with?" asked Debbie.

            Brian glanced at the numbers in his lap and shrugged.  "I'd say I'm set for a good week."

            "Fucking unbelievable," said Debbie as Vic put the car in drive and pulled away from the hospital.

            A half hour later, Debbie was hustling Brian into Michael's room, eager to get him comfortable and settled in.  Brian paused when he reached the doorway, taking in the Captain Astro drapes and sheets along with the many childhood pictures that adorned the walls.  "Christ, this place never changes.  It's permanently stuck in 1988."

            "That's Michael for you," said Debbie.  "Why don't you rest for awhile and then you can come down and eat some dinner.  I'm making some pot roast and potatoes that'll knock your socks off."

            "Sounds violent," said Brian as he sat down on the bed.

            "Go to sleep, you look like you could use it," said Debbie.

            Brian nodded and then watched as Debbie stepped out of the room and shut the door behind her.  He sighed heavily and took another glance around the room, noticing not only the Captain Astro merchandise, but also a few drawings still taped to the walls.  Justin's no doubt.  One was a picture of Gus attempting to crawl.  Another one was of Deb and Vic.  The final one was Brian holding Gus, though Brian couldn't remember ever posing for the picture.  He fell back into the pillows with a pained grimace and brought the sheets up around his body, trying to get comfortable.  He knew that it had been a long time since either had stayed in the room, but he swore he could detect the scents of both Michael and Justin on the sheets.  The two men that mattered; both tangled up in the memories of Brian's nasal passage.  The thoughts and images assaulting his brain left him feeling simultaneously happy and completely miserable.  He shook the barrage of thoughts from his mind and then buried himself under the covers, falling into a dreamless sleep almost immediately.

**

            The rest of the day passed by without incident.  After he had woken up from his nap, Brian was force fed three helpings of meat and potatoes by Debbie, who insisted that he needed to put some weight on his frail bones.  After that, he worked a bit on the ad campaign for the luggage, though he still wasn't able to come up with any good ideas.  Frustrated, he had tossed all the work aside and spent the rest of the night watching a marathon of  E! True Hollywood Stories with Vic.

            He settled into bed around 11 and quickly let sleep claim him.  This time however, his dreams were out in full force.  Images of his father drunk and pissed assaulted his mind, and Brian could actually feel the pain of getting punched in the face and kicked in the stomach.  The dream turned even worse when Michael, Lindsay, Justin and even Gus entered the picture, morphing at times into his dad and even his mom.

            He cried out in his sleep and rolled off the bed, landing hard on the floor with a loud yelp, effectively waking him up and igniting a firestorm of pain in his ribs.

            He curled into a tiny ball and tried to catch the breath that had been knocked out of him in the fall.

            "Brian?" he heard the concerned voice of Debbie call from behind him.  "Jesus Christ, what the hell happened?" she asked as she approached him and placed a comforting hand on his back.

            Brian groaned and clenched his eyes shut, trying not only to fend off the pain, but the memories that were still bombarding his brain.  "I fell, it's okay," he said through clenched teeth.  "Just give me a second," he said as he took in several deep breaths and blew them out.

            "Maybe you should have stayed in the hospital after all," said Debbie worriedly.

            "I'm fine," said Brian as he slowly uncurled from the ball he had put himself in.  Debbie reached out for his arms with her hands.  "I can do it, I don't need your fucking help," shouted Brian, slapping her hands away.

Debbie coiled her hands back.  "Is that your answer for everything?" she said softly.

Brian glared at her and then slowly and painfully got to his feet, using the bed as leverage.  Then he carefully lowered himself down to the bed and got under the covers.  Deb then climbed in and joined him.  

"What are you doing?" he asked in an annoyed tone.

"Keeping you company, what's it look like?" said Debbie.

 "I don't need a fucking babysitter," said Brian

            "Well too bad, you got one anyway," she said firmly.   She pulled the covers over herself and then wrapped one arm across Brian's body.   "Christ, it must have been one hell of a dream.  You're shaking like a fucking leaf and sweating buckets."

            "It's just afterglow from a jerk off session gone awry," said Brian quickly.

            "Well I hope you didn't get cum on the sheets, I just washed them," said Debbie, unconvinced of his excuse. 

            Brian laughed for a moment, a small smile forming on his face.

 Debbie rubbed his arm in a comforting fashion and then gave him a kiss on the cheek.  "I'll lay with you until you go to sleep."

            "Deb," said Brian.

            "Humor me," she said sharply.

            "Yes mother," said Brian as he rolled on his side so his back was facing her.  He took several calming deep breaths and closed his eyes, trying to ignore the fact that his heart was still racing.

            "You know what this reminds me of?" said Deb a few seconds later.

            "The first time Mikey had a wet dream?" said Brian smartly.

            "It reminds me of that time when you were fifteen and came over here in the middle of the night," said Debbie softly.

            Brian's eyes flew open, a look of pain spreading across his face.  "I don't know what the fuck you're talking about," he said sharply.

            "Sure you do.  You were pounding on the door and when I finally opened it up, you were standing there all bruised up and bloody, looking like your father had kicked the shit out of you.  You had this haunted look in your eye and you couldn't stop crying," said Debbie, shaking her head in sadness.  "So I brought you up here to Michael's room.  Don't ask me where he was…maybe at camp or at a friend's house…something.  I tucked you into bed and held you until you cried yourself to sleep.  Next morning I came up here and you were gone.  You never did tell me what that was all about…though I can guess."

            Brian's breath caught in his throat. "That's all in the past.  It doesn't matter," he said in a shaky voice, a single tear dropping from his eye.  He quickly wiped it away with his hand.

            "It matters when you're still living in it honey," whispered Debbie in his ear.

            "Can you please shut the fuck up so I can get some sleep?" said Brian, a hint of desperation in his voice.

            "Yeah okay," said Debbie, letting the harsh words slip by.  "You go to sleep."

            "Thank you," said Brian sarcastically.

            He once again closed his eyes and started taking deep, even breaths, still trying to calm himself down.  Once his heart rate was back to normal, he went about the task of pretending he was asleep so Deb would let him be.  Fifteen minutes later, he had her convinced.  He felt her let him go and rise off the bed. Then he felt her kiss him on the top of his head.  "Sweet dreams, kiddo," he heard her whisper.  Then he heard her step out of the room and shut the door behind her.  As soon as she was gone, Brian rolled onto his back and let out a harsh breath he didn't even know he'd been holding.  Then he pulled the sheets tightly over his head, hoping that the smells would somehow put his heart and mind at ease.

TBC


	11. Part 11

Learning to Love (11/?)

By Carol M.

Here's some more.  Enjoy it folks!        

Brian awoke the next morning to the sounds of pans being slammed together.  He crawled out of bed and staggered down the stairs in his robe, his hair sticking up in all directions.

            "What the fuck is going on down here?" he asked when he reached the kitchen.  Debbie and Vic were busy slaving over the stove, cooking a variety of dishes of which the very thought of made Brian's stomach roil.

            "It's called breakfast.  Ever hear of it?" answered Vic.

            Debbie hit him in the shoulder.  "To Brian, breakfast is a cup of black coffee and a blowjob."

            "Why Deb, however did you guess?" said Brian sarcastically as he sat down at the kitchen table.  Debbie set a cup of hot coffee right under his nose.  "That takes care of the coffee.  What about the blowjob?"

            "Looks like you're starving today, kid," said Debbie with a large smile.

            "What the hell is all this?" asked Brian, glancing at the packages of meat and piles of carrots and potatoes on the counter. "Looks like more than the usual bacon and eggs for breakfast."

            "This is breakfast," said Vic, tossing a bag of donuts at Brian.  "This is dinner," he said as he motioned to the other food.

            "We're throwing a small dinner in your honor," said Debbie.  She unwrapped one of the packages of meat and threw it in a pan.

            Brian raised his eyebrows.  "Excuse me, what dinner?"

            "It's a thank Christ he didn't die dinner," said Debbie.

            Brian started to protest, but Debbie stopped him.

            "Save your breath, you're not changing my mind.  We are having a nice home cooked meal with our friends and family to celebrate the fact that one of our more…infamous members is still alive and breathing.  And I don't want to hear another word about it," said Debbie firmly.

            "If you wanted to give me a party so bad, why didn't you throw it at the leather bar?  The food and company is much more to my liking," said Brian.

            "Unfortunately, semen and watered down liquor won't be enough to feed 12 hungry people," said Debbie.

            "Twelve?" said Brian.  "Who's exactly on the guest list for this glorious little shindig?"

            "Michael and Ben, of course," said Debbie.

            "Of course," he said with a nasty smile.

            "Lindsay, Melanie, Gus, Ted, Emmett," continued Debbie.

            "And who are the two mystery guests?" asked Brian, not really wanting to know the answer.

            "Well I invited Jennifer, but she can't come on account of some fancy business dinner she's having with some real estate broker," said Debbie.  "She sends her love."

            "Oh…well…be sure to give her a big hug and kiss for me," said Brian smartly.  "Now are you going to tell me the last two contestants or do I have to guess?"

            "Justin and…your mother," said Debbie hesitantly.

            Brian nodded knowingly.  "When were you planning on telling me?"

            "I'm telling you now," said Debbie defensively.

            Brian sighed in annoyance.  "Look, if this is some cheap ploy to get Justin and I back together, it's not gonna work.  Like I said before, he's out of my life for fucking good," said Brian.  He pressed his lips tightly together and ran a hand through his messy hair.  "And don't even get me started on my cunt of a mother."

            Debbie clicked her tongue and then sat down at the kitchen table, taking Brian's hand.    "Look, you and Justin might not be a couple anymore, but that doesn't mean you still don't care about one another.  Sunshine has been a huge part of your life for the last two years.  You can't just shut that off."  Brian raised his hand to protest but Debbie pushed his hand back down to the table.  "No matter how hard you try," she finished.  "He was just as worried about you as the rest of us and he deserves a chance to see that you're alright for himself.  Wouldn't you if you were in his shoes?"

            Brian rolled his eyes.

            "And as for you mother, she just wanted a chance to apologize for not seeing you in the hospital," said Debbie.

            "Sorry's bullshit," said Brian in a harsh whisper.  "Words don't change a god damn fucking thing."

            "Maybe not," said Debbie.  "But at least she's trying to do the right thing."

            "That would be a first," said Brian.  "Joan Kinney wouldn't know from doing the right thing even if you shoved it up her ass."

            "Well, we'll just try and put that image out of our minds, won't we?" said Debbie as she stood up from the table and gave Brian a pat on the shoulder.   "I want you on your best behavior."

            "Aren't I always?" said Brian in a sweet tone.  "I need a cigarette," he said as he slowly and painfully stood up.  

He staggered towards the staircase when Debbie abruptly cut in front of him, blocking his path.  "I'll get them."

Brian sighed.  "I don't need you fucking waiting on me."

"I also don't need you keeling over on the stairs," she said firmly.  "Where are they?"

"Black bag, side pocket," answered Brian in defeat.

Debbie nodded and ran up the stairs.

As he waited for his cigarettes, Brian observed Vic humming and dancing in place while he cooked dinner.  A small smile played across Brian's lips.  

Vic chose that exact moment to glance up at Brian.  "What?" he asked when he saw the look of amusement on Brian's face.

Brian chuckled and shook his head. "No, it's just with everything you've gone through, here you are singing and dancing in the kitchen without a care in the world.  It's just pretty fucking amazing, that's all."

"The minute you let the simple pleasures in life pass you by is the minute your life is over.  It's not about strength.  It's about having the courage to live, no matter how fleeting or shitty your days might be," said Vic with a smile.

"Ain't that the fucking truth," said Brian under his breath.

The pound of footsteps caused Brian to look at the staircase. "Nice try kiddo," said Debbie as she made her way down the stairs.  She held two joints and three white tablets in one hand and an opened pack of cigarettes and a lighter in the other.

"Jesus, what are you?  A fucking luggage screener for PIT?" asked Brian as he snatched the cigarettes and lighter out of her hand.

"I've got x-ray eyes.  Nothing gets past me.  You best remember that, Kinney." said Debbie.

"Alright, alright," said Brian.  He gave Debbie an innocent little boy smile and then stepped out the front door, his cigarettes in hand.  He took a few steps out the door and then sat down on the front step, quickly lighting up a cigarette.  He took a sharp inhale that he held in until he could barely breathe.  He then blew the smoke out in a sigh, dreading the night to come.

TBC


End file.
